I walk down the familar roads – nothing’s the same anymore.
I try to recall the thrill of how it used to be.
The feeling shines out there in the evening sky like a diamond of a memory, too far beyond my reach.
I look up your number in the yellow pages in a convenience story. No, I still remember your old number, but something inside me wonders, rather indignantly, why you would have held onto the olds when I let go of them without much serious fight?
You’re listed.
Its funny to read the words that form your name – I lick my lips and quitely whisper, the words; there is a small lonely reticence rushing to the fore, but I lick it off as well.
I roll your name on my tongue tip and I scan for your number.
Its not the old number.
I think I can still make the right guesses.
I fumble for my cell phone as I try to commit you to memory once more. Its a weird feeling – a whole rush of sensless palpitations and memories on overdrive.
I try to to ignore the damning sense of deja vu that theatens to spill some unshed regret from my eyes today.
I wait for you to answer my call.
You still don’t answer the phone until the fourth ring, do you? Your test of fire.
‘If someone persists beyond the fourth ring, they probably mean business and I know I’ll not be wasting my time.’
I smile as I remember you, eye brows creased, fingers buttoning your shirt, expression meaningful – and I remember me – kicking my feet and covering my ears with my pillow and asking why you won’t answer the phone on the first ring when you have to anyway!
I was never the sort to buy your mindless excuses but I was too lazy to fight.
I guess that should have told you something when I didnt fight back enough, even for us.
‘Hello?’
‘Hey.’
‘Yes?’
‘Fifth ring. You answered on the fifth ring.’
‘What?’
‘You dont recognize me?’
‘I’m trying to.’
‘Saloni.’
‘Oh… Hi.’
‘How are you?’
‘Great.’
‘And…’
‘Well…’
‘What have you been upto?’
‘Same old, sam old. And you?’
‘I left old for the new. So that should figure.’
‘Yes.’
‘Who’s that in the background?’
‘Sinatra.’
‘Sinatra squeals and giggles?’
‘Ha! Ok. That’s my kid.’
‘You have a kid?’
‘Dont you?’
‘No.’
‘So… I’m not sure I understand why you chose to… well…’
‘Really. I still believe everything doesnt need to have a motive.’
‘I didnt mean to…’
‘No. You’re being You.’
‘You’re being you too.’
‘Didnt say I’d change.’
‘Never expected you would.’
‘Okay. I just came back, all the way – you know…’
‘To say sorry?’
‘What? Why do you have to…’
‘We should not be fighting. Really. Go on. I am sorry. I should have let you speak.’
‘I came to tell you that I am sorry I broke you heart a long time ago.’
‘Its fixed.’
‘I was wondering if I am forgiven.’
‘Whats this about – really? Go on. Tell me.’
‘Nothing. Old regrets.’
‘You regret leaving me and going. Are you lonely?’
‘Yes. Very.’
‘It must be hard for you accept that. That takes a lot of courage. You were always the brash one – and brave.’
‘Yes. But I’m not complaining. I have a good life. Money… everything, well.’
‘Yes. So do I.’
‘Ok…’
‘I need to go.’
‘Ok…’
‘No. We should’nt meet. You know, old flames die hard and all that. I wouldnt trust me to meet you.’
‘Nice to hear that I can still turn the magic on.’
‘If I told you that a part of me will always love you, will that make you feel any better?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Then take it. I wouldn’t hold back. Something about you – I could never say no. Keep it.’
‘Thank You.’
‘You can call me when you need me. As long as I’m not within the kissing-your-face distance of you – I’m a sensible man.’
‘I dont believe you just said that.’
‘Me neither. I’ve got to go. Really.’
‘Thank You. Ummm…’
‘I know. Be good and strong, ok?’
‘I’ll try.’
‘You do that.’
‘Bye.’
‘Bye.’
It’s weird standing on the busiest intersection of my old home town, three storey town – staring at my cell phone or through it. Crying always came easy to me. Today wasn’t anything new.
I wonder what I had in mind when I came here to chase an old flame back – suddenly I was wary of me again. Closure, or comfort?
I stand staring into space and I wonder if I should have stayed back here in the arms of love – or if I’d carefully built my today – brick by brick.
I cant figure out a thing about my life except that I was heady, and swimming in a pool of light blue as I looked up at the fading evening sky.
The diamond of a memory still out of grasp but shining harder.
I turn around and begin walking. Maybe I’ll come back once more, and then once more – when I need to get in touch with me again.
Today, I think, pray and hope – the memory of love will get me by.
P.S – Old stuff. Too bored to write anything new 
Posted Originally on: http://supriya.blogliterati.com
thanks again to google, i could not imagine life without google 
that’s what love can do 
